i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize