You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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