she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
even my farts smell like vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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