Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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