I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
