Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
