Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
