If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
