I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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