they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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