Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
