I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
