Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
