Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
