one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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