If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
