we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
