this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
