The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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