Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
