I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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