I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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