There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
