he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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