I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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