as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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