You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
