for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
