we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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