About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
