So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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