I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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