It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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