Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
