How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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