I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
