I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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