I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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