just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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