the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
look no pants
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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