Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
