I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
