The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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