Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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