I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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