i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
