forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
