So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
