i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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