how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
