Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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