Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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