Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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