i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize