i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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