remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
