I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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