i think my tv is drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
