the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
