...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We have started to decorate penises.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize