She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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