recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
