the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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