At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
