I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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