she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
