My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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