so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize