i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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