I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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