THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
