He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
