also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
