i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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