We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want her autograph on my taint
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
