I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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