Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
