Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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