1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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