I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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