The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
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I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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